i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
I should have known it wouldnât work. Someone saved in her phone as âSubway Sexâ called the week before the wedding
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