we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
