Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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