You're so nebulous sometimes
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
