I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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