My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
