Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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