I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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