I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it hurts more in the daytime
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
