If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
