I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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