dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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