I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
