She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
