This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
