Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
