seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
