So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
