Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
