i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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