i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
