I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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