Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
