if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
