she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
