He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
