Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We are all done wearing pants today
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
