The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
