I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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