I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
