I bet he comes in French.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
