he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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