oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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