get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
