if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
