omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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