she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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