what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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