Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
