At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
