so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
