the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
