Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
