I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
