You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I could fuck to npr.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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