Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
