My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I did not marry a roomba.
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