she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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