Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
