y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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