shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
