well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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