i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
