Who did Billy Mays play for?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
false alarm, still single
Randomize
